It has been a long time since I’ve written in my blog. By the end of this you may understand a bit more why.
Back in April of 2012 I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. I had already stopped writing due to the tests that I had been going though leading up to the final diagnosis. From the point of diagnosis till the end of October I went through a plethora of tests and biopsies and treatments that left me run down both on a physical level and in an emotional way as well. I can honestly say that when you feel old you are. When you feel young you are. It is a lot about how you feel as to what you are. Maybe I should change that to this: It is what you think you are that makes you what you are. I felt old. I felt run down. I felt used up and it had a great impact on the way I lived day to day.
That is all in the process of changing. Not because I have gotten any younger as that is impossible. You can’t literally take any years off your life. But it IS because of how I feel and think about my life. It is about how I choose to think. Not so much how my body feels though that does play into it.
I am beginning to get some of my stamina back. My energy level is improving though I can see that it is going to be a long slow process. If you are wondering what kind of treatments I went through, well, I chose the radio-active seed implant variety of treatment. That along with external beam radiation therapy. So far everything is going in the right direction and I have to give both credit and thanks to my doctors that were involved for all they prescribed, did, and are doing all along the way.
Now that ended (in some fashion) back in October and it is now February. That too is a long time and you may be wondering why I haven’t written till now. Well, to be honest (I know, bad cliche’), I just didn’t feel like it. That old feeling, the used up feeling, the not so sure I even wanted to try anymore feeling was all over me. Slowly dissipating but still there as I began to regain strength which I am told may take up to a year and a half from the date of the last treatment. Even then I will have some things that just won’t ever be the same.
BUT… Things are a changing even now. Each day that goes by I am getting stronger and the energy is coming back. It is as if life is coming back in.
Now… It would be nice if that were all that had or has happened. It is not.
Elaine, my wife of two years today, is recovering from surgery of just two weeks ago yesterday. What kind? Brain kind. Yup, she had a tumor the size of a tangerine located inside the left side of her skull (left temporal lobe). It was a Meningioma which, of the two types normally found in brains, is the best kind (if there is such a thing) to have. It had been growing for between 2 and 3 years (or so we are told) and we knew nothing of it till it started effecting her balance.
Looking back we could see how it effected other areas of her life but those that know her wrote many of those symptoms to such things as stress, concern, worry, etc… We now understand what was going on and how it effected her.
Today… it is our anniversary. With all that we have gone through over the past few years I feel blessed to be where we are. This includes where we are geographically, physically, and emotionally. Elaine was certainly the right choice. I could not have done better. I could ask her if she felt the same and I would be willing to bet she feels the same. I am not going to ask right now but if you feel the need for her to answer then she could answer you if you chose to ask by responding to this post. Either way, it changes nothing so far as my feeling on the matter. She is what I have been looking for all my life. The one! She has proven it.
Well… now you know the why. Hopefully my time will permit me to write more much sooner. I have tried to write several times and even did so but never got to a point where I felt it was worthy of you. I could not seem to finish my thought to finish a blog post. This one is different and is more of a report than a blog about thought but it IS a start. Hope to see you soon.
BTW… Elaine is doing well. Very well. Improving every day. I expect her to be 100% very soon. I’ve already seen such immense improvement that I am fairly certain she should be back to her normal levels within a week or two. Astounding if you ask me.