What do you need? No… Not what do you want… what do you really need?
“Need” is an interesting word or rather topic. We all have certain needs. We ALL need water, air, & food. We can take this further and say that we ‘need’ shelter and clothing. Truth is you don’t absolutely need shelter or clothing in most cases though it can be a need depending on where you live just due to the elements.
Often I hear things like “I need a better job” or “I need a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.” “I need more money” is a statement heard often. Many have even said “I need to win the lottery.”
There are those that have needs that they can name. Someone might need a kidney or lung or some other part of the human body just in order to continue to survive. Now there is a need.
We don’t really need a new car, new shoes, new clothes, more money, boy/girl friends, husbands/wives, this thing or that. Not in order to survive. Maybe to live the life we want or choose or would like to have. But not really a need so far as survival is concerned.
In looking at this topic, I found that needs come in different ‘flavors” as it were. I decided to focus on relationships and how each person has needs in those relationships. There are a plethora of books on the subject. “His needs/her needs” is a good one. Personally, I found some very profound things in the book on “The Five Love Languages” mainly because I learned more about my own languages that are most evident in my life and my relationship. However, even these books did not deal with the deepest part of my relationship needs. I’m happy to say that I have been able to verbalize my needs to those that are participants and have need to know.
So what is it that I feel people search for in a relationship? I can’t tell you that. It is different for each person. For some it is a need for physical attention. For others it is a role based need. Someone else might need to be ‘in control’ of the relationship (though that rarely works out in the end). You can even go a step further and say that the “need” in a relationship might even vary from one person to the next. You certainly have relationships at work. The needs on the job are completely different than those on a more personal level.
Even friendship relationships fill certain emotional and even spiritual needs. You might have a ‘friend’ at work or at church or at the lounge, gym, court, or other locations that fill various needs in your life.
All of these “needs” are met in one way or another. But do you know what those needs are? Do you know how that person in that relationship is filling what particular need of yours? This is the area that I feel is the most challenging because you have to look inward to the depths of your soul to find these answers. This is not a shallow thought. It takes searching to find these answers. It is also very important.
Important? Yes. You need to know so that you can focus your energy in the directions they need to go. You need to know so that you don’t cross up or cross out the one person filling that need. You need to know too so that YOU can verbalize what you truly feel inside to those that matter when the time is right.
Often we attempt to say what we need to someone close to us only to mislead them into thinking something that is way off base. It is not because they do not want to know us or to give us what we need. It is because “words” have so many varying meanings. The English language is difficult. More difficult than you might think. So many times we are misunderstood simply by words that we meant one way that were taken another. Conveying thought or feeling through words is simply not that simple. (Kindof like commons sense is not all that common.)
Any way you look at it… you don’t NEED that ice-cream. You do have needs I know but it is time to grow up and stop telling everybody you NEED this or that. Contentment does not come by having things. Yes… it is nice to have money. Lots of it. But it is so much better to have the love of someone who accepts you for all that you are (warts and all – as someone close to me says).