the “blame” box


There are all shapes and sizes of this box. Oh… excuse me… I should have said, “thanks for coming back.”

I woke this morning to a wonderful feeling of renewed vigor.  The air was cool and crisp and it was dark as night but I felt energy.  That is a good thing.  I needed to get up early to get started with my day because of a few extra tasks that were pending at my “regular” job.

I normally move fairly slow in the morning.  That, I guess, is normal for those of us that feel the effects of time creeping in on us.  Still, this morning was just a bit different.  I got the rest I had needed last night and felt pretty darn good (all things considered) as I started my day.  A warm (nearly hot) shower, a great cup of coffee, a kiss goodbye, and I was off.  A great way to start just about any day.  I would or could have only been better if I had had the day off and could spend it riding the Harley that sits patiently in the basement as if waiting for me just to turn the throttle and roar down the road.  The neighbors just don’t really appreciate that early in the morning.

Alas I am in my car headed for the daily normal source of income that the majority of people have (my job), I turned on the radio.  You know the thing.  That thing that we turn on to drown out the thought of actually having to go do something to earn a living even if we love what we do.

The announcer was talking about people not getting enough sleep and how if we do this that we tend to never wake up enough to be at a fully wakened state and that this is a cause of people gaining weight because their metabolism never kicks in completely to burn off what they normally eat in a day.  One sentence a paragraph does not make so I’m adding this one.  🙂  Forgive me please.

Ok…  I want to believe this.  In some ways I can actually take that as a good thing.  I’m soooo busy that I can’t get the sleep I need.  That is the cause of all the weight that I have that I don’t want.  Yeah!  That’s it!  Yeah.

Never mind that I spend too much time watching the boob tube wasting away my life on some tennis match or a good exciting suspense movie or some action movie, Animal Planet or Documentary TV show.  Not to mention that while in this relaxed state I tend to eat or drink something that is most likely not good for me.  Yes…  I drink water.  Plenty of it.  Sometimes more “plenty of it” than others.  Its really that staying awake too long that causes all that extra weight right?  I can “blame” it on that.  Yeah…. that’s it.

We all have things that we choose to blame on something that really is not at fault but some of us also have an uncanny ability to blame EVERYTHING on something else.  This is not me but I have met them and worked for them and been married to one before (not now).  I’ve seen children do this and usually because the parent taught them this attitude and escape mechanism.  That is exactly what it is.  An escape mechanism.

I once heard the statement that “he/she is smiling because he/she already knows who he/she is going to blame it on.”  There are some people that are extremely good at this.  Anyone that is like this is also all about them.  I mean… everything is all about them.  They live their lives to further themselves.  Only themselves.  If it doesn’t benefit them, it doesn’t matter.  In fact it may even be contrary to even mention if it doesn’t support their need or objective in some way.

While we will or do blame something on someone somewhere when it is truly not deserved, most of us just tend to just blame things instead of people.  Its the car’s fault.  Its the computer (used regularly).  It was this or that or the other thing.  I think I have said this before about the Blue Collar Comedy when Jeff Foxworthy say’s that just once he’d like to see the person on Jerry Springer say “It wasn’t my Father’s fault, it wasn’t my mother’s fault, I’m just a _____.”  I’ll let you rent the movie and find out what word he used.  It was a very descriptive expletive that rightly acknowledges the true culprit.

By the way….  It’s been several days since I started this blog post.  I could say that I’ve just been so busy that I had no time.  Not true.  I had time.  I could say that I lost my inspiration.  Not true.  I could say it was my wife’s fault, the dog’s fault, the cat’s fault, the car’s fault, too much work, too much TV, too much of this or that or the other thing.  None of it would be true.  Like the song Margarita-ville, “its my own ____ fault.”  Just didn’t finish it when I could have.  But I did finish.  Hope you liked it.

Don’t blame others for your mistakes or shortcomings.  Take responsibility and face your “self.” That really is the who crux of the matter isn’t it.  Facing yourself.  You.  The real you.  Not pushing “blame” on anything or anyone.  Seeing your “self” as you really are.

Get rid of the blame box.  It does no-one any real good.  I know it can be scary.  But you will be much the better in the end for doing so.

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Author: memman

Too much to tell. There is more than what is seen on the surface of any man. Some have more layers than others. I have many.

6 thoughts on “the “blame” box”

  1. So far this is one of my favorites! It’s easy to get caught up in the “blame game” because it keeps us from having to face our own evils no matter how minute. Thanks.

    1. On Thu, Apr 19, 2012 at 10:21 PM, Carolyn Harriman wrote:

      Interesting post. I’m still absorbing it. At least I’m thinking! Trying to figure out if I play the blame game. Hmmmmm. I think I do, only when it is work related. When I am not in control, it bothers me. Not so much that I am a control freak, as I certainly am not that. I blame people for things that are wrong , that I can’t fix. Out of my control type stuff.

      1. First let me say… I know you well. You have never indicated to me that you “blame” things on others. I think the main thing here is targeting the difference between blame and facts. Placing responsibility where it belongs is not blaming. Blaming is when it is really NOT the fault of the person or thing being blamed. You (I know) take responsibility for the things you are responsible for. At least so far as I am aware.

        “Not in control” I could write a whole blog post on that subject alone. May do that soon. Good suggestion. Thanks!

        But for now… none of us are in control of everything in our lives though we would like to be. Truth is, we shouldn’t be. If we were, we’d screw it up even more than it is. There is a certain amount of “fate” where it concerns our lives. And that in no way removes our choice. Perplexing isn’t it. Choice vs fate? One or the other? Not completely sure on this but I feel that they both apply. We make our own choices. But was that a fate that we would make that choice? Ponder that a while.

        In the end, we all do the best we can with what information we have at that given moment. It is best not to “judge” others. We can only be responsible for our own actions and decisions.

        1. Wow Dan. You are quite brave taking on these topics to discuss! Primarily with “blame” being a topic that likely has attachments in very primitive parts of our brain. For most of us our experiences with blame go back before we can even remember. So our “automatic” responses to blame, though they may have changed in some basic ways over time, I think they can still send us into knee-jerk reactions, that may well be largely unconscious. And when we are in unconscious territory, we quite literally “know not what we do”… That’s why I like that you write on such topics. It brings conscious and unconscious territory face to face, in order that they may have a conversation… get to know each other a bit. I think it is really only this “re-connecting” of these territories, that truly gives us any access to what you refer to as “choice”.

          1. If we are able to see in our selves… that alone is the beginning. To look into the inner most parts of ourselves to see the “why” of our own behaviors. This alone is the key to reducing those “knee-jerk” reactions that are so primal to our instincts. I think this is what you were referring to with your word of “primitive.” Being aware of the unconscious tendencies while in the conscious state is something that can save us a great deal of heartache. Honestly, I think the unconscious already knows the conscious. It is the flip side that is the difficult part.

            Choice? It certainly does give us a new perspective so that whatever the choice, it CAN be different than it would have been without the knowledge of the unconscious.

            We don’t always have a choice. Sometimes you just have to push the button whether you want to or not. It is not alwasy about what we would like to choose. Choices can be made for us on occasion. Still, even so, was it our choice to begin with? Was there even a choice available?

            Sometimes… it just happens. But it is good when you can and do have a choice. Even better when you can see your knee twitching and can control that jerk.

    2. Yes it is very easy to get caught up in the blame game. My wife worked for a company recently (not now) that was run almost completely that way. Everyone blamed everything on everyone else. There are many places like that. Some worse than others. Sometimes it may just be one or two that are doing all the blaming. If those people are in a management or upper level position it can cause quite a lot of difficulty for their subordinates. And your point on “facing our own evils”… right on girl. You hit the mark.

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