Note: I do hope that my self appointed editor will not find too much wrong with this post. (I did change a lot of “it’s” to “its” just for you.)
Much of what we learn throughout life is from others. Good or bad, that is what we have. That is what we get. That is what we all learn.
Our culture, our values, many of our desires, goals, dreams, our entire lives are built piece by piece. Our experiences are major contributors to our learning (life’s education). Even though some of our experiences are as a result of some accident or unintended source, still, most of it comes from someone else.
Lately…. well…. lets just say that I have learned a good bit as a result of my personal life about others, their struggles, their experiences, their hurts and fears, their limits, their needs, their desires, and in doing so, I’ve learned much about myself. That would include my hurts and fears, understanding my own struggles, what my needs and desires are, and have even solidified some of my own goals and dreams.
You’ve seen in my blog much of the pain I have felt. I don’t just feel pain for myself. I feel pain for others as well. I see in them the pain they feel and I feel it with them. Sometimes I can feel exactly what they feel. Other times, well, there is no possible way for me to fully understand. Why? Some experiences I just can not experience. It could be because of my age and what they have experienced happened long ago. It could be a gender based issue that it is not possible for me to experience. Either way, I can still see and feel the pain. Not exactly, but it is there none the less.
No-one can really feel what you or I feel. It is very individual. It can be similar but not completely the same. Each experience or piece of knowledge effects each of us differently. With things happening at such a fast pace in this age I can completely understand how it can be so overwhelming.
No matter how difficult I have it (or you for that matter), life is harder for someone else. The struggles are greater, their history more muddled, their injury deeper. I know… it really doesn’t matter in the moment does it. No matter how hard we try, what is happening to us is happening right where we are. It is extremely difficult if not impossible to ignore the rain falling around us to see that the tsunami is occurring somewhere else in someone else’s life.
Most of the time the individual can cope with the normal everyday issues that come up. Right now I have seen an increase in the stress levels of those around me as well as in my own life. For some of it has to do with the economy. For others it may have to do with a love relationship. Others may have stress due to a job or even no job. Others have mittigating factors that compound the issues. Medications that they are on regularly. Family matters that heap more on. I know of some people that multiples of all of the factors listed and maybe more.
When you heap so much on a person (or even when it is heaped upon them), there comes a time when that level of stress becomes so great that some sort of release is needed. There are always ways of dealing with the pressures. Some good. Some not so good. I do not condem anyone for finding their own way of escape. I have come to understand and even empathize with the person that came up with the phrase “stop the world – – I want to get off.” No… I’m not saying I really want to get off. I think it means, it is just too much to bear sometimes.
Self medication is prevalent. I’m not totally against it. Just want to encourage anyone that may be involved in such to be extremely careful. This could include any type of drug including alcohol, over the counter meds, prescription meds, over exercising (yes you can), even love can be a drug or at least the similitude of love. Actually either. Real or fake. I’m finding that there are those that don’t recognize the difference. Some because they’ve never really had it and some because they just don’t want to really see it.
I am learning. Sometimes it is very difficult. Hard to do because sometimes it requires sacrifice of what I want for the good of someone else. Call me selfish. I don’t really think so. Sometimes the learning has to do with taking care of myself first. If you are one that loves to help others, you find that to be a difficult thing to do. But you must. You can be of no value to anyone else if you do not take care of yourself. This does not mean you should be self centered. Rather, it means that you should take care to protect yourself at least enough so that there is something left for you to give to someone else.
If a fruit tree were able to select to give its fruit of it’s own accord, if it were to give all of its fruit to one other tree (so to speak), that would be ok. If, however, that same tree were to give all of its fruit and then all of its leaves, its bark, its roots, all of itself… well… you get the idea. You have to leave enough of yourself to allow more fruit to grow. Otherwise, you have nothing left to give.
For now, I just want to think a while. Maybe not even think. Maybe just be. Be without thinking too much. Live without expecting anything or looking for anything.
I want to trust but I find it difficult. Lies from others have caused me to become a skeptic. So, I’m back to just living and learning. Someday, I hope to be able to love like I have before. Deeply, completely. I hope it is not too long before this happens. Living and learning without loving is not really living in my book. It is simply existing. So I continue. So I exist. So I try, one day at at time, to learn to love again. There is still enough love left in me to grow.
Yes. There are those that I have that I love. I have family and friends. I love them and most of the time they love me. Still, I am one man. With one man’s thoughts. Attempting to find meaning. Attempting to find understanding. Trouble is, I find that part of that song is just a little too true. “The more I learn, the less I know.” I continue to learn from others.