(this is an edit): Let me state for the record that NO… I am NOT depressed. Quite the opposite is true for me. I am including this edit for some of you as friends that have already noted a bit of concern. Much appreciated by the way. But this is an emphatic NO to being depressed. I am expressing what is on my mind. Nothing more. It might appear that way, but, I can assure you that I am not. Some of those that know me well and are in constant contact will know and see that this statement is true. Thank you for your concerns. – Now… on with the blog. 🙂
This particular post may stir some very angry responses. I don’t know.
In talking with a very good friend the other day and discussing how messed up people in general are, a thought hit me as to why I am the way I am. Yes… I’m messed up too. Just like everybody else. Yes… I said like EVERYBODY ELSE. That includes you.
Talk to any psychologist. They will tell you. There is no such thing as normal. So we’re all messed up to some degree.
Just so happens that I found at least one aspect of what messed me up to some degree.
You see… it is my opinion that I got damaged by church propaganda to some degree. In this particular blog I am referring to the church pretense that no-one is “worthy” of God’s love. In fact, for the most part, the charade is that you, me, everyone is unworthy of anything, even to the point of life itself. At least not in this life.
In my discussions with my friend, my thoughts went back to a song I had heard several times and even sang as a special on occasion. The song? “Unworthy.” I know… it says that “He made me worthy” but the premise still there. The propaganda is that no-one is worthy of anything. Not in this life. You and I and everyone will only be worthy some day in the by & by. AFTER YOU AND I ARE DEAD!!! Think about it. “In the sweet by & by,” “Just Over in Glor Land,” “I’ve Got A Mansion Just Over The Hill Top.” All of them
This sad propaganda would purport that we should not feel worthy of anything. That no-one deserves anything. Including respect. Including life. Including love.
Over the last few years, I’ve opened up to my worth. I’ve changed my views considerably about what life is and what it means. I’ve found that I do have worth. I’ve really always known it. For reasons mentioned here, I’ve not really believed it to a large degree. I has caused untold pain in my life as a result.
This is very personal and may be more than anyone really wants to know but I feel it important to share.
To take a biblical viewpoint on this with a slightly different slant (something I seem to be very capable as of late), I’d like to propose this alternative message. We are all “worthy.” Worthy of all that is before us. Worthy of life. Worthy of joy. Worthy of peace. Worthy of love. Putting Jesus in this picture… were the previous not so, why would God have sent his son into the world to die for us if God did not feel us worthy. So… If God felt us worthy to that level, who am I to dispute such worthiness.
OK… So I’m not so religious anymore. I don’t really believe all that I’ve been taught. To what level I’m not really ready to post. Some of what I have been taught and have learned will never go away. Of that I am certain. Why? Because I keep what is good, test it, prove it, and keep it. I continue to test all that I know and believe because I continue to come upon new truth. New to me anyway. Not that it is new truth. Just truth that I have found now. There is nothing really new (Reference “Lamentations” – “nothing new under the sun”).
What caused all of this came over a number of years. Not just the last few. I’d even be willing to state that the beginning of my journey for a quest for this quest for truth began while in college. It is just that in the last few years I’ve come to terms with what I held to be foundational to not necessarily be true. A battle that I’ve been fighting within myself for years. That is and has always been my quest. Truth.
So… my take on this… and one thing I hold true that I’ve been taught over and over and believe… test what you are told, believe what is true no matter what.
Truth always prevails.
Note: This will not be the end of this. Much more could be and may should be said. Just this last comment for now. I’m happier with myself now than I have ever been. I’m thankful just to be who I am right now. There is much to be said for understanding at least a little of what it means to just be. To be still of mind and content of heart enough to be open to truth.