This is as much a personal question as it is anything else. We all are involved in some sort of search. One which involves every fiber of our being.
Some are in search of love. Some in search of money. Others in search of status or popularity. For many it is a search for multiple things. All of us are in search of something. Over the last few years I have found that my major search is for truth. Truth about many things. Not just about my personal relationships but for truth in all things meaningful to me. Love is one of those but not the only thing. In fact, I’m not sure that it is even the greatest or most important of my searching.
I’d say that my major search over the last few years has been in the realm of spirituality. I feel that I am making headway but have not yet attained. Not sure that I ever will on that level. This particular blog is not about that search or even any search in particular. It is more an attempt to point out that all of us are in some sort of search.
You may think you know that for which another person is search. I’d say that what we normally see on the surface is exactly that. Surface! It takes knowing that someone in a deeper manner to get even a glimpse into the depth of their search.
What ALL of us are really want and even need is significance. Whether that significance is to ourselves or to someone else or to “multiple others” does not really matter. It is what we all have that deep desire to have. Some sort of recognition even if in our own selves of ourselves.
I do believe that you need to find out who you are before you can really be of use to yourself or anyone else. A bit of the “love yourself first” theme. Once you have that then your search can continue toward other levels of acceptance whether your own personal acknowledgment of your own self worth or some measure of value from others.
Dark-Light 
Dan I think you’re on to something here…again. WE all are searching for something and significance captures the whole of it. Significance to ourselves…do we really matter? (that love yourself theme). Significance in a relationship (do we matter to that person). And even are we significant to GOD. I believe the search for Spirituality, can be as simple as the quest to get closer to God. I like to think a relationship with God is the crux of it all. To get even a fraction closer to Him than when your quest began can change everything about your search for significance. Without that relationship you can’t even begin to figure out why loving yourself is so important or even real. The truth… God loves us no matter what…the truth…He wants to be close to us..the truth…he expects us to love ourselves and other’s as He loves us. That is where our significance lays. That we matter.. all of us warts and all…now that is significance. And that my friend is the truth.
Well, after reading this, I am reminded of something I once read that has stayed with me. The words “heal, health, whole, and holy” all come from the same root meaning. In essence they all mean the same thing. And it reminds me that in our world, people basically don’t grow out of childhood without being “broken” in their spirit to some degree. So it is important to make becoming “whole” again a priority. And to do that, we have to “attend” to ourselves to some degree, or as you say “love yourself first”. Hard stuff. Because it takes tremendous courage usually to let down our guard enough to really begin to honestly see ourselves without judgment. Or maybe I should say to let down our ego’s guard. I know I spent many years of my life thinking my ego is me -and living that way made me very defensive, which is a very sad, blind existence indeed.
Now I know that there is a part of me that can “attend” to myself, including tending to my wounded ego. And it is those eyes, which can do that non-judging “attending”, that I now see as myself. That way I don’t feel I have to “defend” my ego all the time. It’s not really me. It is a sort of manufactured me that helped get me through tough times. And I can catch my ego in mid sentence when it starts to do what it has been trained to do for years. Sometimes I may argue, sometimes just withdraw and not say anything(still a protection). Which is not all bad. But neither of those or other defenses (some worse) may be what I might choose to move me toward a potentially more meaningful end. Again, not that defenses are all bad. But as I get older and recognize there is more than defending myself, that I have access to…
I mean when was the last time defending yourself to someone brought you something you truly desired in your heart. I would venture to guess I know the answer to that. : )
I certainly have needed some effective protection many times in my life, and so those defenses often did come in very handy. And still may if there comes a time I don’t see a better way.
But seeing myself without judgment, no matter what my defenses may have led me to do… is in fact what I must do. And I realize I have actually done the best I can. Acceptance of who I am, exactly the way I am, is key. I’m still working on that. I have been slow to bloom in this way myself. But better late than never, right?
But going from broken toward whole again, means also to “integrate” or come together. And as we integrate, we gain “integrity”. In which case we see ourselves and others in a new light. So you could say to integrate, is to “heal” or become more “healthy”, more “whole”, and even more “holy” or closer to “Imago Dei”, or Image of God, in which we are told we were all created. That is I believe the very reason Christ had people to follow him. To be more whole.
So to integrate more is to become more whole, and to know our own “whole spirit” inside (and outside) of us. Yes I believe who we really are reaches way beyond our bodies. And since we are all of the same great spirit, to truly know ourselves is to know others more as well. And in so doing, we then approach relationships less from a neediness agenda, which is basically what we have when we are feeling broken and lost. Rather, we come to the relationship secure in who we are, knowing our strengths and weaknesses, and in our ability to see, and having more gifts to bring for the benefit of the relationship. We literally carry a guiding light, when we open up that eye in us that “attends” to our ego and to everything around us.
Now, although I am slow in this process, I have noticed with growth, and integration, comes a better ability to recognize what’s happening around me. It’s easier to spot when people are not being straight or sincere. And why they might have a lack of honesty. I recognize it because I have stronger intuition for guidance.
Things feel more right… or not right… when I am not as broken. I recognize more things being synchronistic -things I used to see as coincidence. I am better at spotting the truth… in myself as well as in others. It is a very natural guidance system and even protection at times. Now that I am where I am, I can’t picture otherwise. And I find it exciting when I see that happening for others as well!
Thanks for the blog again memman!
Michael….very well put…when our broken spirts are healed we do approach relationships less needy..we are able to give more and spot insincerity and deal with it accordingly.
I like your thoughts too..keep em coming!
Dan, You indeed were a pivotal man in my life. I’m very happy knowing you kept writing. Thank you for being the man you are. Be happy, laugh and be well.
You too have been a very important part of my life as well. Thank you for writing. Thank you for the kind words. And thank you for being who you are as well. I hope all is well with you and Morgan. Take care.